How To Assemble An Atomic Bomb

DUBLIN – Bono of the rock group U2 continued his efforts to build a coalition to help fight AIDS and other crises this week by again defending President George Bush from critics.

During an interview with respected punk magazine 'Up Your Blarney!', Bono held forth on Bush with nervous but seemingly immovable resolve.

"He's not that evil, really. When you look him in the eye, there's something there. Y'know, we're one, but we're not the same. Do you like these new shades?"

Bono has faced criticism for some of the positive language he's used to describe certain Republican figures such as Bush. Many feel his efforts to kow-tow to their egos has led him into dangerous territory as far as alleigences. Bono insists he'll work with anyone to save lives.

"Robert Johnson - he worked with the devil too. And that was the MAIN devil - Bush is at best a Beelzebub or Satanish level devil. And he has good qualities too. I know for a fact he hid a photo of he and Chris Martin in a drawer when I visited - that was considerate."

Interviewer Martin Trouble was unimpressed, smashing a beer glass over the musician's head while shouting expletives and various bizarre comments about footballer Wayne Rooney's role in the confrontation.

Yet Bono was completely unmoved by the ensuing melee, commenting that this was "all part of co-existence."

President Bush was quick to rally to the musician's aid, telling reporters Monday "I love that little fella - especially his cereal with them stars - Lucky Charms - makes me think of Texas - that's sugary stuff!"

Band member "The Edge," who spent most of the interview burying his head under a series of wooly caps - while sobbing mournfully - exited suddenly after 20 minutes, shouting "I'm so sick of it!" in a mantra like fashion. Bassist Adam Clayton meanwhile was inspired by the incident to take up a three day drinking and drug spree accompanied by a dozen fashion models flown in for the occasion. In reaction, Guiness futures soared worldwide.

Larry Mullen of the band was unavailable due to being "too f---ing kick ass to take part in any of this shite." According to reports Mullen also had a previous commitment - greasing motorbike chains.