Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Easter Bunny Reacts To Huckabee Attack

Boca Raton, Florida -- On the eve of the Florida Primaries, The Easter Bunny today struck back at Governor Mike Huckabee, calling him a "Jesus freak and a freak for Jesus", as well as "totally out of touch with today's modern Easterian."

The comments came in the wake of Huckabee's statement at the Florida Republican Debate Thursday night that contested Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq were ..."like easter eggs. Just because you don't find every egg, doesn't mean that it wasn't planted."

The Rabbit, describing himself as the "living embodiment of Easter", explained that Huckabee's comments were a thinly veiled attack upon what he called "the real modern Easter."  He added that he was "as hard as I need to be to have reached this level and to have maintained for so long.  All the while, I've been about something positive in the Easter community."

"Meanwhile, Mike, if that is his real name, is always pushing the revisionist Jesus agenda - I've been under attack by them since the beginning, but clearly this guy wants to kick up an unprecedented wave of rabbit phobia and fur bating. I've already been getting reports of chocolate bunnies with their heads bitten off, urine stained Easter grass - I'm calling on America to stop this - before things get out of hand."

Citing Malcom X and Bruce Lee as "fellow misunderstood visionaries", the rabbit seemed annoyed that he was stuck in Florida because of the attack.

"It's mating season ladies!
This time of year I'm usually with some cotton tails in a triplex stop. Then I heard word through the warren about what was going down, so I hopped my ass on a train down here."

We asked the rabbit about his chain-smoking and fidgety behavior.

"It's the malady of the modern easter bunny. Why do you think he's putting the image of egg bombs in everyone's heads?  We've messed up the status quo and they want it back. It's about the economy - money that could be going to the church is coming our way instead."

When reached by holy vision, Huckabee laughed, refusing to comment, saying only "Shucks, we all know there aint no Easter Bunny..."

Oddly, the Governor was seen leaving shortly afterwards in full hunting gear, instructing the press corps assembled there to "gear up for some tasty wabbit stew. It's wabbit untin' season..."

Reached for comment while in Las Vegas, a surly Bugs Bunny lashed out."  One, there's a frickin' writer's strike on so I aint sayin' shit 'bout nothin'.  And two, I don't need a two cause I'm Bugs Frickin' Bunny! Now get out of here - before I show you what it's like!"