New Atlantis: Bush Declares Victory In New Orleans

NEW ORLEANS – President George Bush today made a brief stop to announce to residents - and to the world - that the U.S. had achieved "victory in New Orleans."

"It's now been over a year since an attack by a hurricane on the city. That's over a year. And that's over a year of freedom - freedom for, uh, brackish water. And to eventually have, in some parts now, electricity. The hurricanes - they hate freedom. But liberty will prevail."

Bush went on to describe the worst hit parts of the city as "wonderfully exotic since the attack. They've really turned it around. And you can see that, in many cases - they prefer this almost aquatic environment. It's like a kinda New Atlantis. People are drinkin' and gamblin' - it looks to me like they're havin' a heck of a time."

"In the global war on weather, FEMA has accomplished it's mission. Our nation's precious coastlines are once again safe under the government's vigiliant and unblinking eye." Bush then paused to exchange a secret handshake with God.

When pressed to elaborate on how residents had evolved, Bush was quick to add that he was refering to "Mutations, just mutations. Y'know, not evolution but more like that Shaun Cassidy TV show."

Mayor Ray Nagin was notably subdued during the visit, leading some to speculate had been "drugged for the occasion."

Spike Lee, reached for comment in Brooklyn, invited the President to "jog naked through Harlem" at his earliest opportunity.