Monday, August 07, 2006

Bush Administration Eases "Human" Requirements for Military Enlistment

WASHINGTON – The Bush administration today yet again lowered requirements for US military service, specifically removing the rule that enlistment must be "human."

Bush, flanked by representatives of this new military force, expressed great excitement over the new candidates: "I've let the word go forth, at this place and time, to circuses, zoos, freak shows and mad scientists - your country needs you."

"For instance, there are many a primate that live among us performing useful tasks, both at home and abroad. We need 'em." Bush added.

Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI) commented that this "might explain Rumsfeld."

Bush suggests this is just the beginning, and that his efforts to find life on other planets "could provide untold armies for the fight against global terror."

Billy Johnston, the head of personnel for the Department of Defense and a self-described "huge Star Wars fan," explained that the Pentagon is also looking into cloning a skilled bounty hunter and "replicating hundreds of thousands of war fighters from this single humanoid."

"Another option in the works is a droid army, but that is only in the conceptual phase," revealed Johnston. "I made several drawings and sent it to Lockheed-Martin as well as the Skywalker Ranch."

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Clearly, a droid army would be inefficent versus insurgents, especially the type used by the Trade Federation.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Joe Lieberman can volunteer when he gets his ass kicked by Ned Lamont.

Anonymous said...

Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure. We are honored by your presence...

Anonymous said...

You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put you back on schedule.

Anonymous said...

I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.

Anonymous said...

IT'S A TRAP!

Anonymous said...

No1 The Iraqis are a peaceful people...

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