God To Earth: "Get Over Yourself"

THE ARCTIC ZONE – God appeared today in a melting glacier to tell scientists and locals gathered there that, among other things, he's "had it."

"It was pretty unexpected," explained French global climate expert Jacques Jacquet. "One minute, we are watching the ice flow - and then, there he is. God. He looked pretty good - I am pretty sure he was French."

But shock turned to fear when God let loose a series of angry condemnations.

"He was pissed off! He kept talking about 'I'll show you a burning Bush,' and so on. Apparently he is very close with Santa Claus and likes to vacation up here. Except apparently, Mr. Claus now needs a submarine. He is not pleased about this."

Residents of Anchorage, Alaska are complaining that God has been creating lurid snow sculptures all over their region. Wilma St. Johns, a homemaker, said that God's actions "are sick and he needs to cut it out."

God apparently is indeed not happy and was described as "so nasty!" by local fisherman Sven Meddlonger. "I mean, how many thousand years and what does he tell us? 'Get over yourselves.' How is that enlightenment? Come to think of it, he looked a little like Al Gore back when he had that beard..."

The White House wasted no time in issuing a statement, with Bush saying in a press conference that the God seen in the Arctic was "...clearly some other God. Maybe Norse. They like it cold. Them Norses. Norses for courses they say. Like Thor. Probably Odin. Y'know, tryin to get in touch with Thor. Heh. Or maybe one o' them Gods that Tom Cruise is talkin about. Them imaginary alien Gods."

Tom Cruise was unavailable for comment due to a self-rightousness related injury.