WASHINGTON – In the halls of power of Washington, there are few secrets that remain that way forever. Today there is growing talk of just such a secret - and the repurcussions on the political landscape stand to be epochal. More and more sources are coming forward and telling the tale of the "White Obama clone."
This clone is apparently the candidate the GOP is hanging it's hopes on for the 2008 Presidential race. A superhuman demographical jigsaw man made to order.
"Oh, it's definetely happening," one insider informed AFG. "Karl Rove and his henchman extracted a DNA sample from Obama at a fundraiser and have been working in an underground facility to create a white version of the Senator using an advanced form of cloning, surrogate mothering and dark occult practices."
One scientist who left the program over "deep ethical concerns" explained how the process works: "They took a DNA percentage of various people - they have Reagan's hair, John McCain's war wounds, Barry Goldwater's 'gut,' Dick Cheney's manners - it's a genetic soup really."
But it was apparently California Governor Arnold Schwarzeneger's DNA that made up a good amount of the final formula. According to sources, the party is thrilled with the prospect of having "a version of the Arnold that thinks exactly like us at last."
Reports also indicate DNA from Richard Nixon's toe was included so that "we wouldn't have Nixon to kick around anymore..."
The anonymous scientist also unloaded one last bombshell - Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter Mary Cheney carried the child to term. "She took one for the team. I think she sees it as a way to put the past behind her and start fresh. It's also possible they are drugging her. Either way, it worked out."
In March, a suspicious character – who looked much like Obama – was seen milling about a White House reception until approached by Rove who escorted him out of the room. One attendee overheard Rove say, "you have to stay in the basement" and "yes, we will bring you more jellybeans" to the Obama look-alike.
As to how a child born just a few years ago will be old enough to run for President in '08 – apparently the GOP has that covered. One source who had been approached in assisting is Damien Hellstrom of Salem, MA. According to Hellstrom, a self described "life-long agent of Satan and his works," Karl Rove approached him about assisting in an ancient ritual that can make a child age to full maturity in mere hours.
"Yes, the one you call 'Rove' came to me. He sought my unholy aid to create this Demonobama. I explained that I could not partcipate in this act."
Hellstrom told us he turned down Rove because 'THAT guy is just plain evil."
Dr. Strange was occupied gazing into The Eye Of Agamato and was unavailable for comment.
NEW YORK CITY - The Cryogenic Foundation today announced another triumph in it's ongoing efforts to preserve the minds and bodies of some of America's most beloved figures.
"We think it will be a great show," said Phil Rosentein, Rockin Eve's producer. "No other New Year's Eve show will be hosted by an animatronic corpse. It's truly historical."
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