Bush Assembles Unprecedented Coalition Of The Unwilling

WASHINGTON – President George Bush today revealed at a press conference that his administration had succeeded where no other had - in uniting the world.

"Today we can tell the world that we hear you. We hear your cries and searing, um, resentment. We feel your united sense of purpose - and we take pride in the knowledge that it was our plan – or lack thereof - that made this possible."

Vice President Cheney confirmed that the facts back up Bush. According to the VP, the current data indicates that the entire world outside the U.S. has found unity and common ground against American policy.

"It's very straightforward you fucking dumb-ass," explained Cheney. "For the first time we see polls indicating that the rest of the world feels in-step on key issues. If that's so hard to understand why don't you go fuck yourself? What the fuck is the 'AFG' anyway?"

Bush explained it was a strong redemption for his Presidency. "The whole wide world - you get the feelin' they're havin' a party out there. I told y'all I was a uniter."