V.P. Cheney Literally Throws Mother Under Train

WASHINGTON D.C. – In an unprecedented expression of loyalty to the Republican Party, Vice President Dick Cheney threw his mother under a train today.

The incident occured at a fundraiser hosted by a political action commitee called "Billionaires For A Fatter 2%." PAC Chairman I. M. Rich offered Cheney and the Republican Party $1 million if Cheney would throw his mother under the 11:15 PM Acela Amtrak train to NYC.

"I'll take that offer!" Cheney immediately responded, instructing his driver to "fetch Mom" right away.

Thirty minutes later, at an impromptu ceremony at Union Station, Cheney threw his mother under the train. Cheney's mother was sanguine over the event when interviewed just before her death.

"Dick explained that this is necessary, for freedom - and so we don't have to fight the terrorists at home," she commented before being lifted in the air and tossed onto the tracks by the VP.

The funeral will be held at the Halliburton Cemetary that is under construction in downtown Washington. The VP's office refused to comment on reports that the $1 million will be mostly used to pay Halliburton for the funeral.