Bush, Barney Don't Know It's Not Bacon

"It's Bacon!" Barks an Enthusiastic President Bush

WASHINGTON – In the early morning hours, when the rest of Washington is still sleeping through another late night of policy debates and fundraising galas, President Bush enjoys the precious few moments he can share with his best friend and dog, Barney.

"Barney and me, we like to get up 'round about 5 am, before the sun peaks up. We like to horse around a bit, you know, wrestle with an ol' sock, throw the ball back and forth" explains President Bush after another tense meeting with his National Security Council.

In an exclusive interview with AFG, President Bush reveals an unexpected tenderness about his daily routine. "Barney and I, the best part of our morning, is probably breakfast. We love bacon, those, uh, what do you call it? Bacon Strips. Every morning I cook up a batch of strips, and we chow down a bit before another hectic day begins."

In a town like Washington, where your best friend one day can be your sworn enemy the next, the relationship between a man and his dog is sacred. President Bush's misunderstanding of Beggin' Strips® brand dog food, then, puts White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolton in an awkward position.

"I'm sure what the President meant to say was that he enjoys feeding Purina Brand Beggin' Strips to Barney every morning" explains a testy Bolton. "We keep the bag of Beggin' Strips underneath the sink, right next to the dog food for a reason, so I don't think President Bush actually eats the same strips as Barney. But their water bowls are side by side, so I can't go on the record on that."

But the President remains undeterred in his appreciation for this food, saying, "I don't know how they do it, but I've never had a crunchier, meatier, more flavor-full piece of bacon in my life. It gives me the energy, the protein, I need for my daily bike rides." Finally, Bush adds, "I don't want Laura or the twins to know about this treat, we'll be running out of it all the time, that's why I keep it hidden underneath the sink. Same way we hide the booze."

McGruff the Crime Dog was unavailable for comment.